Burning Hearts
by fireball13
Summary: Just a little insight of what was going on in Jay's head after 7x10


He was finally being discharged. Well, actually Will was forced to discharge him after his constant ranting, whining and grumbling.

It was like going back to their childhood years when their mother would let Jay get away with everything just because he gave her the puppy look.

Only this time Will was the "parent" giving in to Jay.

No one knew that the reason Jay hated hospitals that much was because they reminded him of Afghanistan. They smelled like death.

Will was hesitant to sign the paper but he had no choice but to let him go. He knew how stubborn his brother could get and that he would rather take another bullet than stay in that place any longer.

He tried debating him to stay just one more day at the hospital but it was in vain.

"You are our father's son after all," he said in a fit of worry and anger but it didn't strike a chord.

He would have thought that a comment like that would hit Jay but to his surprise his brother accepted the characterization happily and just grinned.

The doctor's last hope was Hailey. He trusted her to keep him safe and made Jay promise to call him as soon as he felt any kind of discomfort.

So there he was. The war vet and mighty cop who survived a bullet to the chest, was suddenly being beaten by a sling. He had already asked his brother to help him get dressed. That was a milestone for Halstead, asking for help even if it was from his own brother.

But now it was personal. He had to do this by himself. He had to feel like he was taking back control of his life. He swallowed the pain, channeled what was left of his inner strength and with trembling hands he finally buckled it.

At that exact moment Hailey walked in

"Hey," she softly said.

"Hey," is all he had strength to say back.

Who would have thought that a single task such as buckling the sling would take up so much of his energy.

He quickly wore a smile on his face and hoped she hadn't seen him struggle with that damn thing.

"I got your budge and undercover phone from before," she set the plastic back on his empty bed.

"Before it all went to hell," Jay said in a desperate attempt to sound sarcastic but deep down inside, he hoped his partner did not expect from him to talk about the case so soon.

"Here, let me give a hand," she offered to help after witnessing his failed attempt to put on his jacket.

Jay growled in pain but she pretended she didn't hear it. She fixed his hood and fought the urge to wrap her arms around his neck and hold his close, just to feel his beating heart and the heat radiating from his body.

Instead, she took a deep breath and decided to give in to her instinct and for the first time voluntary talk about her feelings.

"Listen, hem…" she hesitated for a minute but found the strength to continue.

"When you were in surgery, no one knew what was gonna happen, and it made me realize that I wanted to tell you something."

"Ok," he softly responded with a kind smile on his lips, his green eyes meeting her blue.

To everyone's disappointment, his undercover phone started ringing.

With a subtle hint of hesitation Jay walked to his bed and with his right hand took the phone out of the plastic bag.

He looked at the screen and sighed "It's Bobby, it's Angela's son".

"What are you doing?" Hailey asked in disbelief.

"I wanna make sure he is ok," Jay looked into her eyes as if seeking for her approval.

"Jay," she made a step closer to him. "He is with his mom, he is ok. He just caught a bullet for this. You gotta let this one go. Just let it go."

Jay knew that she was right, his eyes never leaving hers. He needed to answer the phone but also wanted to leave this all behind.

"Alright," he nodded and tossed the phone on the bed.

"What were you gonna say?" he asked with an almost cheeky smile on his face, clearly intrigued by her words.

"Nevermind, I am going to pull the car around. I will meet you up front," she bluntly responded, turned her back on him and exited the room.

Jay was left standing there alone, almost heartbroken by her unspoken words.

He was fully aware of the fact that Hailey had stayed at the hospital that whole time. Her red swollen eyes and dark circles underneath them were a clear sign that she hadn't slept in two days.

On the other hand though, he was relieved to have her by his side. Her presence made him feel safe. Like her was invisible when she was next to him.

They say that when you have a close encounter with death but manage to survive, your brain chooses to erase from your memory those final traumatic moments.

For Jay, that was a lie. He remembered every single moment of the day leading to his shooting.

For the first time in his life he actually thought he might not make it out alive of that warehouse. That was why he told Angela the whole truth. He did not want that dark and heavy burden on his consciousness.

But when he saw Hailey running up to him, frantically asking if he was ok, that was the first time he felt safe and alive. The adrenaline at that point was so high that he didn't know how to react to her presence. Hug her? Kiss her? Just get lost in her embrace?

No! The job wasn't done yet. In full detective mode his first priority was to get Angela to safety. As it turned out though, her first priority was revenge.

He couldn't blame her. Maybe he deserved to die after all. Maybe that was the time to pay for all of his sins. For the things his did in Afghanistan. For his last words to his father. For Morgan Williams. For Luis. For Marcus.

He always thought that when the time came, he would embrace death. After all, he danced in circles around him every single day. But that was not the time. As selfish as it sounded, he didn't want to die.

Everything was blurry during those final moments before wheeling him into the ambulance, but he distinctly remembered Hailey's voice urging him to keep on fighting. Reassuring him that he was going to make it.

Her soothing voice was the last thing he remembered before drifting into oblivion. Her bright blue eyes were the first thing he saw waking up.

He never got the chance to thank her for saving his life. For being his life vest. And now she had stormed out of the room like a hurricane. Was she mad about the phone call? What was she going to say before they were abruptly cut off?

He swallowed had and suddenly felt a wave of panic surrounding him. He seated himself on the chair trying to process the impact of their conversation.

He knew, deep down inside him he knew but didn't want to admit it. Hailey was starting to have feeling for him.

No, that couldn't be true. She had made that clear from day one. She didn't mix business with pleasure. Sure enough, she spent a couple of months with Ruzek but it was nothing serious. It was more like a physical relationship.

He buried head in his free hand trying to gather his thoughts. Even if he was right, Jay didn't feel like the boyfriend material, especially right then. He was broken, both physically and mentally.

After Erin left him without a single word he felt unworthy. He had forgotten how it felt like being loved and that scared him.

But why did Hailey suddenly back up? Did she see right through him? Was Jay that transparent?

He was used to losing everyone loved one in his life. All his fellow Rangers, his mother, Mouse, Erin, his father. He was not willing to lose Hailey too.

No! That wasn't the case. Hailey couldn't be in love with him and even if she were she wouldn't confess her feeling in a hospital room in front of everyone. He clearly misunderstood her intentions. Right?

Finally, the realization hit him hard. Even if Hailey wasn't in love with him, he was head over heels in love with her. All those suppressed feelings suddenly found their way through the surface.

A part of him wanted to run after her and kiss her. But the other part of him pinned him down out fear of being rejected.

Jay picked himself up and took a deep breath. He shook off all his fears and insecurities and decided to give his partner as much space and time she needed. He wanted this time to make it right because deep in his heart he knew it. Once they'd get together, it would be for life.


End file.
